Monday, 14 May 2012

You know you are a Zimbabwean when...

N OLDIE BUT A GOODIE - NOT SURE WHO WROTE THE ORIGINAL THOUGH

You Know You're a Zimbo if:
- You failed your driver's licence first time.
- You still wear vellies without socks.
- You miss the smell of rain on a hot, tar road.
- You horrify people by eating raw, dried meat.
- You horrify other people by cooking boerewors 'to death'.
- You still secretly think that day scholars were pampered mommies boys.
- You still own some Springbok Hits LP's.
- You carved your name on a famous landmark in Zim.
- You did wheelies on the Enterprise Road outside Gremlin's
- You spat from a window on the top floor at Monomotapa onto the Pool deck and ducked your head in quick.
- You can still sing 'Ag pleeez Daddy'.
- You actually miss the housebrick we were assured WAS bread.
- You whinged to the waiter at Caribbea Bay at the outrageous price of their beers during the Tigerfish Competition.
- You still refer to toilet paper as 'bog roll'.
- You got a speeding ticket trying to make the border by 6 PM.
- Your forearms and the areas between you lower thighs and mid calf are irredeemably burned brown by the sun.
- You once owned an 8 track car tape player!!!
- You still own a record player and can pull out the vinyls when need be!
- You eat cuts of meat today that were ration meat in the old days.
- You have given up looking for a good meat pie.
- You had a domestic worker called Sixpence.
- You miss the smell of red stoep polish.
You miss the sound of the old clanger metal dustbin lid.
- You still butter bread by holding the slice in your hand... No Way!!
- You wish you'd had the presence of mind to keep mum's morrie minor
- You ate supper in Vila da Manhica, the Vila Perry or Guido's on occasions.
- You can remember the beer adverts on the tin trays the hotel waiters used...
- You still think of traffic lights as robots
- You know the words to more than two ABBA songs
- You HATE washing your car and mowing your lawn. Ironing is still something other people do
- You still find it hard to throw things away when they could be Fixed
- You went to a school that taught real subjects like grammar and history
- You went to a school where instead of being 'counseled', unruly students were beaten - and it worked! You wore your "cozzie" under your school khaki shorts when you thought you were going to be "dawked" (caned)
- You complained to your father that you were disciplined at school - only to find he thought it was a good idea.
- You used to call your parents' friends 'Uncle' and 'Aunty'
- You used to believe that in England and the USA they must be so much better at everything than we were - until you visited those countries and found they were inhabited by ordinary people who lived ordinary lives
- You have driven on a strip road
- You long for that soft morning glow that brightens the sky between 6am- 8am.
- Really miss a great, fantastic, bed rattling, window shaking earth tremoring, all-kids-and-animals-in-the-parents'-bed tropical storm.
- You parked your car in a car park and couldn't find it again, because it was a blue Renault 4.
- You shot every snake you saw even though you knew they were essential to the balance of nature.
- Someone stole your car and returned it the next day, because it was a Renault 4 and they felt sorry for you (hell they were too embarrassed to be seen driving it)!
- You put green stripes on your R4 so that you could find it in that car park!!! You found a hundred R4s with green stripes on them!!
- You still wonder what this thing polystyrene is, you know of kaylite.
- You still refer to Koki pens as Neo's.
- Muuush is still common in your vocabulary, as is 'lekker'.
- You still have Wrexx Tarr's 'Chilapalapa' LP's and know the words to 'Cockie Lobbin'.
- You hear crickets in July and remember the December Christmas beetles.
- You know or still write to someone from PE, Saints, Churchill, Ellis Robins,Chaplin, Plummers, Guinea Fowl or Gwebi Agricultural College, Convent, GHS, Roosevelt, QE, Eveline, Townsend and the rest.
- You drank Tanganda Tips tea or Preema Coffee (or Day Break).
- You shopped at Truworth's, Edgar's, Meikle's, Barbours, Sanders or Kingston 's.
- You had an avocado,mango, guava and pawpaw tree in your garden.
- You played in a sand pit and on a jungle gym.
- You thought bilharzia was an incurable disease but still swam in the rivers and dams anyway.
- You remember jacaranda trees in full bloom.
- You remember when a Coke or ice-lolly cost a tickey.
- You miss the taste of bream fried on the side of the dam five minutes after you caught it.
- You have at least one ivory, soapstone or wooden carving.
- You still remember the taste of gem squash and melted butter, mealies and Mazoe Orange Juice.
- You think there is no green surpassing that of the Sandawana emeralds.
- You still expect to see a chongololo after an afternoon rain and a few flying ants.
- You still believe your A-levels were harder than most first-year University courses today.
- You still refer to an expert as a 'fundi'.
- You still say 'braai' instead of 'barbecue' or 'kopje' instead of'hill' or pk instead of toilet
- You were brought up to believe toilet a coarse word and used the word lavatory or WC instead, and still cringe at the word toilet.
- You collected coke cans on your trips to South Africa 'cos they were so cool.
- You still can't get your head around the idea of throwing away a glass coke or beer bottle, instead of taking it back for the deposit.
- You remember the days when you got 1/2 c change and used it to buy sweets at the tuck shop.
- You were there when the 'chicken farmer' beat England .
- You think the 'all Blacks' are the Zimbabwe Tennis Team.
- You were a member of Hellenics / Callies / Raylton / Alex / Postals /Salisbury Sports.
- You've even been boating on Lake Mac - before the hyacinth.
- You still think the most haunting sound in the world is the cry of the fish eagle.
- You've never carried your own golf clubs, and think that golf carts are a sign of weakness.
- You've spent an hour looking for a lost golf ball at the 'police' course - on the fairway!
- You thought that an evening at Reps was the height of culture.
- You remember sitting for hours in petrol queues - and not getting any.
- You even got fifteen people into a VW Kombi - long enough to get past the gates at the 'drive-in'.
- You thought the Borrowdale Road was a motorway.
- You remember with nostalgia the days when the Zim Dollar was trading at eleven to one against the greenback. 

1 comment:

  1. fantastic......first time I read this and love it......xx

    ReplyDelete